Friday, November 19, 2010

Jibberjabber Forgiveness, blah blah Dinosaur

Day 02→ Something you love about yourself.

I would have to say I dig my ability to forgive. I am a very empathetic person, and as such it is almost impossible for me to hold a grudge. I am not perfect, there are certainly times when people just piss me off and my anger lingers for a while. In most situations, I try to put myself in the other person's position and to imagine not what I would do, but being them, and what it must have been like to do whatever they did. What led up to it, and what the motivation was. It is rarely an actual personal attack when someone does something that harms me.
I think this is often the case in these situations. Yes, people do things out of spite, but I think much of the time when we hurt other people it is simply a side effect of doing something selfish or impulsive; pursuing self-will. Even when people do things out of spite, I don't think the object is to hurt anyone in most instances. It can be to illicit some sort of emotional reaction, to try to control the other person in some way, or get attention that they weren't getting otherwise. Why I would I stay mad at someone that wasn't even trying to hurt me in the first place? That will only cause me further pain. It barely even affects the object of my anger.

It is really easy to take everything personally. A stranger walks by you making a nasty face, and you think it was a judgment of how you look, or some sort of ill will. The reality is that it is quite possible and even probable that the face is actually in reaction to something that has nothing to do with you, like a funky smell you can't smell, or an unpleasant thought or memory. This thought process is common. People are naturally inclined to be self-centered, due to survival instincts. Think about that for a hot second though. Everyone is inclined to be self-centered... so we're all basically walking around thinking about ourselves, our respective baby-daddies, how we finna pay tha rent, and what we want most of the time; not judging you about whatever. Obviously, there are exceptions. Most of the time the people that are standing their thinking "Omg girl, her shoes don't match her bag," or other generally dickish, rude things, are doing so because of their own insecurities, and not any defects of yours. Fuck it and drive on.

Thinking about this when I start getting paranoid that someone thinks I look like a spaz usually calms me down. I recently heard it said that all a 'panic attack' is, is a 'self-centered' attack. I'm still chewing on that one. My initial instinct was to cuntpunt the source of the statement, and be all "OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE NEVER HAD REAL STRUGGLES WITH ANXIETY RAAAHHHRRRRDIIIIEEE(and then probably turn into a flesh eating monster of some sort, or maybe a badass dinosaur)!!" but I don't think that would have been very tolerant behavior, and I actually think it is an interesting perspective that merits some consideration.


When I forgive someone, it also offers me an opportunity for growth. It frees me from whatever emotional entanglement any associated grudge may have had me consumed with. Thinking someone wronged you in some fashion is quite an uncomfortable place to be in. Leaving it is pretty cool.


  1. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is for us to find negative descriptions when judging others and ourselves. How quickly we label someone as an idiot or an arsehole. And how hard it is to find the words that define our own innate value. In the past I found that my criticism of others was is in direct proportion to my own self View. I recognised the need to forgive myself for my shortcomings and thus created the elbow room needed to forgive others of theirs. I have learned to understand the nature of the struggles that other people face by looking inward and facing my own demons. We all seem to fear the same things and we have, unfortunately, let fear dominate our perspective. Forgiveness and empathy sets us free.

    As for the comment that, “ALL” an anxiety attack is, is a self-centred attack. The comment presumes that self-centred fear is a trivial thing. It begs the question. What motive does this person have in trivialising your fear rather than offering a ‘reasonable’ alternative to your fear. Would this person suggest that grief is also trivial, simply because it is a selfish response to loss. I say cunt-punt till your leg hurts.

    PS. love the title. It had me in stitches.

  2. That comment was followed by 'helping someone else instead of focusing on yourself will relieve your anxiety' or something like that. But I'll take encouragement for cunt-punting any day. Hahaha.

  3. Well that seems reasonable. Now I just look like an arsehole. We'll just pretend that this never happened. K

  4. You crack me up! Where do you come up some of the "turns of phrase" you use. ant franny (the anxious)