Monday, November 22, 2010

It's all a little bit awkward when you're with me :D

Day 04→ Something you have to forgive someone for.

Like I said, I'm not a grudge holder, but I get randomly mad about the weirdest shit.

When I'm sitting down with my hair up, and someone bumps into my messy bun thingy, causing my head to jerk rapidly from side to side, it makes my eyes pop wide open and causes me to want to jump out of my chair and turn around and punch whoever just did it in the kidney. Seriously, I briefly picture it in my head every time that happens. I think this might be slightly excessive, which is why I just picture it instead of doing it.

When someone walks at me on the street, (you know, when it usually makes you both do that retarded this-way-that-way-oooh-which-way's-it-gonna-be shuffle) I stand completely still and look them dead in the eye with a completely blank face, and wait for them to choose a side instead of doing the tard shuffle. I'm not sure why I react this way, I just do. It seems to scare the crap out of people. Even people that are significantly larger than me. They just don't like it.

It goes over a lot better than what I used to do, though. I would stop, step once to one side, once to the other, and if we stepped the same way again, I yelled. Not at the person, I just yelled out of frustration, but if someone else did that when I was the other person I would be like "What the shit is wrong with that chick?" It was a short, loud, grunt/yell that made my neck-veins pop out and turned my face red. Hot, right?

Oh, wait a minute, I lied. My paternal grandmother once (when I was a morbidly depressed teenager) told me that when my mother was pregnant with me, she (the grandmother) and my father encouraged her to have an abortion, and that was the plan. She blathered on for awhile, expanding upon how I should never have been born into this world. I can't remember what else she said. I think my ears turned themselves off so I wouldn't snap this soft-spoken and frail, but completely twisted woman into a million pieces and light her on fire. We were actually next to a fireplace. I totally could have. So yeah, there's that thing. I've let it go for the most part, since she is a batty old woman, but I'm still just a little salty about it.


  1. Jen, that stand still and stare thing that you do is exactly what I do. But without the grunting. I even reach out and persuasively nudge them one way or the other. It makes them feel stupid for not being decisive.

    As for your Grandmothers comments, it has got to be hard to have that kind of information swimming around in your head. To have the feeling that you were rejected before you were even born...well let's say I feel a little sick over the whole idea that you have to deal with that. This post has made me a little sad, but thank you for sharing.

  2. Ooh, I'm gonna have to add the nudge to my's hilarious.

  3. I second your abhorrence for the tard shuffle.

    Also, I have a severe hatred for old women that think that because they are bitter and ancient and slightly senile that they can say whatever the fuck they want. One of these days a "shut your fucking mouth, granny" is gonna pop out of my mouth without warning... And somebody might get set on fire. I'm suspicious that maybe there's a reason that old ladies are the most common victims of "spontaneous human combustion"...

    Also, my dad once told my brother and I that he wished we would have all been abortions. So I can sort of relate. Thankfully, I haven't seen or spoken to him since I was 16, and he wasn't even invited to my wedding. Actually, on my wedding day, he was bitten by a brown recluse spider and almost had to have his leg amputated. So just trust that people that spew such hate and bullshit get what's coming to them- eventually, inevitably.

    It's called karma. Carson Daley invented it. :)