Ninja Walletsnatcher Needs New Linens and L Passes

So...medical bills update: I got one of the ambulance companies to cut what I owe them in half. On the condition that I pay it in full in 30 days. They will not under any circumstances set up a payment plan for the reduced amount. Full amount of reduction now, or really full amount of everything over time. So, I got excited for a hot second and then they busted my bubble like the dream-squashers they are. What part of "indigent" do they not understand? And if they can just slash it in half on a whim like that, why in the shit-hell does it COST THAT MUCH IN THE FIRST PLACE? I tried to get the lady to tell me why, if no one performed any sexual favors, the base rate without mileage or anything else included for the ambulance was $1400. She, for whatever reason, did not find that question appropriate. I asked her what the difference is between the "Basic life support services" on one bill, and "Advanced life support services" on another. She had nothing for me. I don't think I made a new friend on that phone call. 

At some point yesterday, my wallet "disappeared." I have no idea when this happened, or how. My theory is