Mi corazón consiguió una nueva actitud

Last summer was a swirling mass of insanity. There was a period during which I didn't know whether I was coming or going, and I was very isolated. I went to the beach one day with a woman I was meeting for the first time, named Sandi. It took a some convincing, as I didn't want to leave the house. On the walk there, she was talking about how she had been "seeing hearts everywhere." I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and thought, "That sounds like a personal problem. I bet they have a medication for that."
She busted out her iPhone and started showing me a bunch of pictures that she had taken. She had cracked an egg into a pan and it formed into a heart. She cut a cucumber and the center was heart shaped. She looked up at the sky and saw a heart shaped cloud. I said, "Hm," very non-committally, thinking that must be some combination of cognitive bias and availability heuristic, but trying not to blatantly be an asshole about something she was so obviously excited about.

Crumbs are not satisfying; mealtime is not sexytime

It just occurred to me that my fear response seems to be installed improperly. Well, maybe it was installed correctly but is malfunctioning.
In my last relationship, I remember my partner saying, "I feel so safe with you," repeatedly. I felt the same way. For absolutely no good reason. Actually, despite mounting evidence that I should probably be grabbing my shit and running for the hills (out of my own house, no less), my brain still kept saying, "You love her. Stay."  I would get blindsided by something that really hurt my feelings, time after time, have a moment of clarity that our relational patterns were twisted, and then get interrupted by my own brain. No, no. You should stay. Y'all love each other. 

Demented bankrupt teen-aged amputee zombies

Day 06→ Something you hope you never have to do.

For whatever reason, this one has taken me a million attempts to write. There are a lot of things I am not endlessly thrilled at the prospect of facing, but in every struggle there is a gift of some sort, so I have been struggling with how to answer this. Every fucked up thing I have faced has taught me incredibly important things that I very well may not have learned any either way, whether I realized it at the time or not.

So...The first things that come to my mind when I think of things that would top the list of "Damn, that would really suck out loud..." are, in no particular order:
- Facing dementia, in myself or anyone I love
- burying a child, or having a child face difficulties I am powerless to change
- bankruptcy
- having to repeat ANY part of being a teenager
- paralysis or limb amputation